To add to the tension the two umpires; Mr. David Matson esq. and Phillip Everett BA were delayed in their arrival (perhaps waylaid as they lost track of time regaling one another with their tales of last weeks ‘Settlers of Catan’ tabletop marathon), seeing the game start more than 15 minutes after the scheduled 4pm push-back.

So, the scene was set at a picturesque Lee Valley stadium with the sun setting over the West Stand. The low sun would cause a few issues throughout the match, and brought a tear to the eye of Matson having to officiate while staring back into it…perhaps the tear was due to the sunset sparking memories of late summer evenings at his grandparents’ rural Essex farm, where David, his younger brother Kevin and older sister Anita would play as Patch and Meg - the two ever-faithful Border Collies - would round up the sheep before curling up aside the farmhouse Aga while Dave and his siblings supped on mugs of cocoa…

Hertford’s prolonged pre-game chat - focusing on the strengths of the opposition and the size of the GB pitch - actually paid dividends this week as the Stags took control of proceedings in the early phases; zipping the ball about on the moist turf, with Peter Sharman and Jamie Ker ably beating their hosts to the ball down the flanks.
The lion-share of possession soon resulted in the opening goal as Archie Akers led to a ball in the final third and, pulling his left-handed-lob-wedge from the bag, produced a pin-point flop shot, taking several defenders out of play, landing at the feet of Gary Brown, who needed no invitation - unlike the ornately stencilled ones with the embossed carnations in the top-right corner on Everett’s wedding invites back in 1987 when he betrothed the delightful Joanna - to gather and slot home for his 16th of the season.

Hertford continued to press, and - even with ten men as Oliver de Roeck saw green for following through worse than the morning-after-effects of an Arjun-Patel-curry - doubled their lead. This time Adrian Filezki the creator with a trademark mazy dribble into the left of the circle, selflessly drawing the keeper off his line and crossing on the reverse, where Brown could net his brace with a simple finish.

As Forest tried to get a foothold in the game, they stepped out more from the back, leaving some inevitable gaps for Hertford to exploit on the break, which they duly did.
Some eye-catching passing from one of the side of the pitch to the other saw the location-challenged Cormac Green latch-on to through ball in plenty of space, threading a pinpoint pass to Brown who once was more was stationed outside the right post, waiting to gather and fire home to complete a first half hat-trick, making it only the second time this season Hertford had scored three times in the first half of a game (and the first time against a team with 11 players on the pitch!)

If the first half was about flair (Matson still has some flares in the back of the wardrobe in the spare bedroom), the second half was about grit as the home side inevitably pressed for a way back into the match. The hosts pressed much more and enjoyed longer spells of possession in attacking positions, but could only find Skipper Jonny Goodsoon in fine intercepting-form and Oliver De Roeck living just on the right side of the umpires’ whistles with a number of last-ditch recovery tackles.

Tom Smith in the Hertford net was putting on a show for his watching parents - much like Everett’s portrayal of Falstaff in Theydon Bois amateur dramatic society’s recent production of The Merry Wives of Windsor - the pick of the bunch being a full length sprawl across the goalmouth to save with his chest to deny a certain score.

Rob Homan and James Willoughby were enjoying the challenge in midfield too, repeatedly using some fine skill to wriggle out of tight positions and release the pressure - in the same kind of way Matson’s new automatic irrigation system does across his homegrown vegetables. The tomatoes have started doing particularly well this year after learning the harsh lessons of last Spring! He was delighted he’d splashed out the extra few £s on the timer-valve with the smartphone app.

Running out of ideas, and daylight, Waltham Forest were unable to create any real threats, as Hertford produced their first clean sheet of the season. The only sour note being a yellow (Everett’s joint-second favourite colour) card for Jamie O’Sullivan in the final five minutes as he was adjudged to have intentionally levered his opponent off the ball.

The win lifts Hertford to a lofty 7th in the table with only two games left. They’ll have the opportunity to all-but secure their Division 1S status for next season on Saturday as they take on bottom-of-the-table Potters Bar at Simon Balle.

____________________________________________________

Squad: Tom Smith; Jamie Ker, Jonny Goodson (cpt), Oliver de Roeck, Peter Sharman; Rob Holman (v.cpt), Ian Dunnett, James Willoughby; Gary Brown, Archie Akers, Adrian Fileczki. Subs: Jamie O’Sullivan, Cormac Green

Umpire 1: David Matson (Size 8.5 in trainers, 9 in formal shoes. Favourite book - 50 Shades of Grey. Always wanted to be a firefighter.)

Umpire 2: Phillip Everett (32” inside leg, peels bananas from ‘the wrong end’, sleeps with the bedside light on)